


Clara Won’t Tell

by calskilorn



Series: Calorn [2]
Category: Red Queen Series - Victoria Aveyard
Genre: M/M, and by i i mean kilorn, iiiiiiim comin out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2020-06-02 08:48:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19438015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calskilorn/pseuds/calskilorn
Summary: It’s been over a week since Kilorn and Cal has their first kiss, and Kilorn attempts to prepare himself for coming out to Mare





	Clara Won’t Tell

It had been eight days since Cal kissed Kilorn in the rain. Since then, Kilorn had kissed Cal three more times: once hidden by the sails of a boat at the docks, once in Cal’s bedroom, and once in the supply closet after training. The supply closet session was four days ago, when Cameron discovered the two in there. She laughed when she saw them, and said something along the lines of, “You two should come out of the closet already (get it?). Also, if anything happens between you and I have to pick sides, I pick Kilorn’s side.” Cal rolled his eyes and shut the door, then continued his work, planting kisses on Kilorn’s forehead, cheek, and jaw.  
Not only had Cameron found them out, but only two days later, Farley noticed Kilorn watching Cal for just a little too long from across the cafeteria. She chuckled as she sat down next to Kilorn, gently so that she wouldn’t wake her sleeping infant. “Are you going to tell Mare?” she asked him. Kilorn practically spit out his tea and blushed furiously, not realizing that he was staring.   
“Tell Mare what?” he replied not very smoothly. He was so awkward generally, he couldn't help but be flustered by her.   
“About you and the prince,” Farley said, rocking newborn Clara in her arms. Baby Clara who was born only hours after Cal and Kilorn first kissed.  
Kilorn couldn't believe that he was discovered again, and scanned the room around them, making sure no one overheard them. He even looked to the baby Barrow, as if she would be the one to spread his secret around the compound. “I don't know,” he replied hesitantly. “What if she gets angry? What if she doesn't want to be my best friend anymore? I can't lose her, Farley. She's my family.”  
Farley cocked an eyebrow at him. “Why would Mare ever do that to you?”  
“I don't know!” Kilorn replied, exasperated. “I've never done this before, I don't know how everything works! I'm lucky my mouth works!”  
Farley chuckled again and rolled her eyes at Kilorn. He pouted. “Kilorn, she will understand. If she's really your best friend, she'll accept you for who you are. You just have to trust her.”  
Kilorn sighed and placed his head down on the table in frustration. “It's going to take me awhile to gather up the courage to do it.”  
Farley stood up and patted him on the shoulder. “Take your time, Warren.”

And he did. Kilorn spent two days preparing himself to tell Mare. He talked more to Farley, to Cameron, and to Cal. He wasn't exactly sure what he was nervous about, but he just needed time. Time to plan and to calm his nerves.  
When he finally summoned enough courage, he asked her if they could talk later that night. She agreed, and Kilorn met her at her house in the evening, before curfew. The hours leading up to meeting her, Kilorn felt confident in himself. It wasn't until he knocked on Mare’s door that his nerves hit him. He thought that he would get sick or pass out before he could tell her. He looked even more pale than usual.   
Once Kilorn sat on Mare’s bed, he knew that he was going to cry. He had never done anything like this before. He was happy with Cal, and he was excited to tell Mare, but he was just so, so nervous. Maybe it was because he didn't want things to change between him and Mare. After all, he wasn't even sure how she felt about Cal recently. Some time ago, they had seemed to have feelings for each other, and they may have been together, but they hadn't been together for at least a month, probably longer. Would she be mad at Kilorn? Would she tell him to break it off? Or, would she not react at all? Kilorn had no idea what to expect.   
The tears were beginning to slip down his cheeks, but for a few moments they were hidden behind his hair, and Mare did not see them.   
“So, what did you want to talk about?” she asked him nonchalantly. She layed back on her bed, propping her feet on Kilorn’s lap.   
Kilorn hesitated for a few moments, trying to form a word or two. When he finally did, his voice was quiet. “I just needed to tell you something. Something that's important to me,” he began. But he was barely keeping himself together, and he could feel his nerves getting the best of him. Finally, the tears really began to fall, streaming down his face. Kilorn lifted a shaking hand to wipe them away. “I just, I can't…” he said, his voice faltering.   
This time Mare definitely noticed his tears, and sat up. “Kilorn? Hey, what is it?” she asked, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder.  
When she did this, Kilorn really began to cry, putting his head in his hands to muffle his quiet sobs. Mare was starting to get nervous, and tried her best to comfort him, taking him in her arms.  
“Hey, hey,” she said quietly, taking his face in her hands. “Kilorn, look at me. You can tell me, okay?”  
Kilorn shook his head, sniffling. “I know, I know,” he mumbled. “It's- it's not a bad thing. It's just… new. And I don't know how to start. How to say it.”  
Mare squeezed Kilorn tighter, laying her head on his shoulder. “It's okay, Kilorn. Take your time.”  
Kilorn held onto Mare, slowing his breathing down, trying to calm down. It took him a few minutes, but he was finally calm enough to speak. He took a deep breath. “For a long time,” he started, quietly at first but more sure afterward. “I haven't really been sure who I am, or what I wanted to do. I've never really had anyone, you know? I only had you, and Shade, and Gisa.”  
Then Kilorn laughed a bit. “I mean, Gisa has always hated me, but I still consider her a little sister.” Mare chuckled at that.  
“But I've never really been good at connecting with people. In the world we live in, we lose people every day. I've lost so many… and I don't want to lose any more. I don't want to lose you, Mare. I can't lose you.”  
Mare reached forward and brushed a lock of hair out of Kilorn’s face. He looked down at her. “You won't lose me, Kilorn. I promise.”  
Kilorn sighed. “I just don't want things to change between us. I still want us to be us.”  
“And we will be,” Mare insisted. “No matter what happens next.”  
Kilorn nodded. “Okay.” He tried to calm himself a bit more, but his hands were still shaking. “Mare?”  
“Yes?”  
“I kissed someone. Multiple times, actually,” Kilorn said, and a bit of a chuckle escaped his lips. “And I don't really know what we are… but I know that I like whatever we are. It's just hard, you know? Up until last week, I had never been kissed before, I had never had butterflies in my stomach like I do now, whenever I see them. And I didn't feel this way about anyone, I don't think, until they kissed me. And it was like- like I was seeing a whole new perspective of everything.”   
Kilorn couldn't look at her. “Mare. I… I kissed Cal.”  
A small gasp escaped Mare’s mouth. She did not see that coming.  
“Well, technically, he kissed me first. And it was so magical, Mare, it was like I was flying. And then we kissed again, at the docks. And again, in a supply closet, which I know is not an ideal make out destination, but hey, I've never done this before,” Kilorn said, wiping his eyes with his sleeve. “And I think I'm happy, Mare. I think, for the first time on a long time, in the middle of all of this chaos I feel relieved. I've never experienced this before, I've never been wrapped in someone's arms, holding onto them like a lifeline.”  
Kilorn forced a half-hearted laugh, trying to smile through his pain. “I mean, if I had known that this is what it feels like to kiss a boy, I would have done it a long time ago. I just feel so… so safe. And wanted. I've never really felt wanted before, Mare. And I just don't want to lose it. I don't want to lose him.”  
Kilorn wiped his puffy eyes again, sniffling in the silence. Mare hadn't said anything yet. But she hadn't let go of his arm, either. They sat there in silence for a few minutes, and at this point Kilorn couldn't tell if he was crying in pain or in relief. It felt so good to tell Mare.  
Finally, Kilorn looked at her. He was so afraid of what her reaction would be, and even more nervous when he saw that she was also crying. But before his guilt and embarrassment could take over, Mare buried her head into Kilorn's shirt. “Kilorn Warren, I am so proud of you.”  
“What?”  
“I’m proud of you. I'm proud that you told me, and I'm happy that you feel so comfortable in this relationship. I'm happy that you're happy, Kilorn. I'm so, so happy,” she said, sniffling and planting a kiss on his shoulder as she hugged him. “Thank you for telling me. And I'm sorry that you thought that I would react badly. I'm sorry that you felt that you couldn't tell me. I know I'm not always the most understanding or the most supportive person. But I support you. I will always support you, Kilorn.”  
Kilorn sighed loudly. “Oh thank goodness.”  
Mare laughed and flopped onto her back, pulling Kilorn down with her. They laid there for a few minutes, laughing and gathering themselves. They talked a bit more, about who else knew and how Kilorn felt about everything. And after awhile, they fell asleep, cuddled together in Mare’s small bed, where Kilorn's feet hung off of the edge.


End file.
